Deal with it

Hello folks!

Today I will share 5 principles I have gathered from the book "How to win friends and influence people."

The principle will show you the optimal behavior in dealing with people.

This is for everyone who wants to understand peoples behavior to thrive in social situations.

I will equip you with principles explaining the optimal behavior to deal with people. To make them like you, and to win them to your way of thinking.

These principles helped me thrive in social situations. They helped me avoid the mistakes that push people away from you. And the principles helped drag people towards me.

Lets get into it:

Principle #1: No complaining

Complaining to other people will make them rebel against you.

No one wants to be criticized. When you criticize people, they lose respect for you and themselves, and will not listen. If you criticize someone, be sure to apologize. Instead of criticizing or complaining, you want to understand the person.

You understand the other person by asking the right questions.

Ask the right questions instead of criticizing some work another person did. "Why did you do it like that? How did you come to this conclusion? What makes you do it like that, and not like this?"

Once you understand the other person, then you can begin to improve the work together.

Principle #2: You can't win an argument

To get the best out of an argument, you must avoid it.

An argument never leads to anything good. If you get your point across and "win", you will not have convinced your opponent. “A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still.”

Winning people over to your thinking will not happen through arguments.

Getting your point across will result in a mad opponent. Even if you are right, you will still hurt your opponent and lose respect. The result of an argument is only negative.

There is not 1 winner and 1 loser in an argument, both are losers.

Principle #3: Give honest appreciation

People feel important when you appreciate them.

The appreciation has to be honest and sincere, flatter will do no good. Honest appreciation lifts the other person up, and he will try to lift you up as well. Appreciation and praise can change behavior, but as stated earlier, complaining doesn't.

Use appreciation to make people feel important and change behavior, but don't judge.

When you say something like "You are good at drawing" you are judging. If you say this to children, it can impact them to being "addicted" to validation. "It (judgemental praise) creates anxiety, invites dependency, and evokes defensiveness." Instead, describe behavior and express your appreciation.

Use Appreciative praise: Describe what you see, don't judge.

Principle #4: Admit when you are wrong

Admitting when you are wrong will lower your defenses and get the other person on your side.

The other person should not try to attack you, but rather defend you when you admit your mistakes. You don't have to defend yourself, and the other person is less likely to attack you further. When you admit you are wrong, do it with enthusiasm and empathy.

This shows that you reflect and learn from your mistakes.

On the contrary, defending yourself shows you hide something.

Defending yourself will start an argument with the other person as your opponent. If you know you fucked up, you might as well avoid defending yourself. Listening to your own self criticism is always better than an argument.

Admitting you are wrong will always be a win.

Principle #5: See things from their p.o.v

If you disagree with someone, instead of wronging them, try to see their point of view.

When you try to see their point of view, you avoid arguments. You will understand the other person, and might learn from their perspective. And finally you can explain your thought process and way of thinking.

Trying to understand others is better than smudging your perspective into their face.

When talking to people, understand them by being a good listener.

Listen actively to what they are saying, and encourage them to talk about themselves. You put them in the spotlight and they feel heard and important. They will like you when you make them feel important, but you should add your own input as well.

Relate to what they are saying with your own stories to create flow in the conversation.

Conclusion

These 5 principles are powerful. Together, they will:

• Make people like you.

• Help you deal with people.

• Win people to your thinking.

I hope they can help you be aware of your current behaviors in social situations. And help you change those behaviors.

To help you implement these principles, try to go an entire day and remember only 1 of them. Try 1 day without complaining, and evaluate how well it went. Then you can add other principles later on.

Good luck with the principles, and have a breathtaking rest of your day!

If you need help with implementing the principles, DM me “Improve” on twitter: https://twitter.com/ash_rote