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- Dealing with negative emotions
Hello my friend, and welcome!
In this newsletter, I will go over how to stop your emotions from taking control.
I have been quite bad at this in the past. When someone would piss me off, I would lose my mind.
Alright so this is not gonna structured advice, but it is me ranting. I will sum it up into 3 steps in the end.
Let's get into it:
I called my lil sis a B
So a little while back, I got into an argument with my lil sis. She started ranting about how I was always late. Then I ranted about how she was always negative. It escalated, and I dropped the B word: b*tch.
So why did this happen?
Well, first off I got into an argument. And you know you aint gonna win that son! Arguments are not a win-lose situation, it is a lose-lose situation. Everyone loses, because if you get your point across and "win" your opponent is still mad ;)
The best way to win arguments is to avoid them.
Second off, I let my emotions take control over me. That is why I dropped this garbage word. The argument escalated, and I got increasingly more mad as time went by. If I would have handled my emotions, it would not have happened.
So how do we handle our emotions?
Experience them
It is all about self-acceptance baby!
So now you feel some negative crap emotion on it's way. What do you do? You EXPERIENCE the emotion. Breath into it. Feel it.
Here is a quote from "The Six Pillars of Self Esteem" to explain it:
The act of experiencing and accepting our emotions is implemented through (1) focusing on the feeling or emotion, (2) breathing gently and deeply, allowing muscles to relax, allowing the feeling to be felt, and (3) making real that this is my feeling (which we call owning it).
We can also push the emotion aside, suppress it and try to forget about it. This does not work optimal, because it will come out to the surface at some point anyway.
Here is another quote from "The Six Pillars of Self Esteem" to explain the opposite of experiencing our emotions:
In contrast, we deny and disown our emotions when we (1) avoid awareness of their reality, (2) constrict our breathing and tighten our muscles to cut off or numb feeling, and (3) disassociate ourselves from our own experience (in which state we are often unable to recognize our feelings).
It ended on a good note with us apologizing to each other. But I obviously should have avoided the argument and not called her the word.
Do this when you catch yourself going on a rant
Whenever you notice yourself getting on a rant, cut off the chain. Take a step back and ask yourself: “Why am I mad in the first place?”
In my scenario, I would have found it because my sis said I was always late. Something really small and stupid to be mad of. Then I would have been able to stop myself.
And ask “Do I want to keep being mad?”
Also, if your mind goes on a rant and you can't stop thinking about the negative experience. Then journal about it. Make your thoughts tangible. This will help your mind release all the ranting.
Conclusion
So that is it my friend! To sum it up:
You want to experience the emotion.
Then you want to take a step back and reflect.
And write about the experience, journal about it.
These are 3 solid steps to handling your emotions. Thank you for reading mate!
- Ash