Storytime

Welcome to my story, part 1 of 3.

Today, we will dive into my gaming addiction, and what kind of person that made me. You guessed it, the shy gaming goblin was me. And you will get all the details about his struggles and what he went through. The first step in solving a problem is finding it. And oh boy are we gonna find some problems today!

Alright let's get into it:

Gaming goblin

I have been gaming ever since I was around 10.

10 years old. Imagine it. I was lucky enough to have an old phone and not get addicted to social media early on. Back in the Good Ol' Days, Tiktok wasn't a thing.

But this early discovery of a computer, was going to haunt me.

It's hard to withstand the addicting effect of gaming as a 10 year old. I couldn't handle it. I got hooked immediately. And gaming was going to stick with me for the next 6 years of my life.

The addiction had it’s side effects:

I was refusing to go outside. I was screaming at my parents and screaming at my screen in my dark room 24/7. I was in a horrible mood all day.

I was a lil piece of shit back then, so something had to change.

My parents had to stop me from going insane. So they put a limit on when I could game. From 3 pm to 6 pm every day. Not before, not after.

This was defining. Why?

It meant that I was not 100% goblin anymore. It is something I am grateful for today. But back then, I didn’t understand how much the restriction helped me.

But I still suffered the consequences of limited socializing and poor mental health. The reason?

I used to game for fun. But it evolved into a way of escaping instead of having fun. This is the reason I was shy. I avoided reality by escaping life.

So my self esteem suffered. Big time.

The shy guy

I became insecure. As Insecure as it gets.

I was afraid to stand up for myself. Whenever someone "walked" on me, I would cry. My throat would tighten, and my mind would go blank.

I was selfless. Helpless. Couldn't defend myself.

So I accepted the garbage behavior that people would learn to treat me with. I accepted them walking on me. I accepted them harassing and exploiting me.

Yup, I accepted it because it was "normal" for me.

“It was normal for you?” Yes, because I would treat myself with 0 respect. Always doubt myself. Practice negative self talk. Judge every mistake I made.

So I developed a self-awareness. Bigger than ever before.

Every. Single. Action. I would overthink it. Every. Single. Word. I would overthink it. Every single… Alright you get the point. I was a shy and awkward boy with no confidence.

Here is a little insight into the thoughts I walked around with for 6 years:

• Why was I so shy?

• Why was I not good enough?

• Why was I afraid of standing up for myself?

Why was I DIFFERENT? Why could I not be like the other kids? These thoughts haunted me. For 6 years. Dang. All I wanted back then was to fit in. To not be different.

It's funny how I "fit in" now when I don't try.

On the outside I “fit in” with my peers. I get along with my peers without being shy. But fitting in is no longer the goal. Self improvement is the goal. But none of my peers are into self improvement.

So I am still different. In a good way this time.

“Alright, but what did we learn?” Well, here’s 2 lessons:

1. If you NEED something, but don’t do anything to achieve it, you will suffer. Like me suffering because I wanted to fit in without changing myself. It doesn’t work. You HAVE to put in the work to achieve your desires.

2. Embrace your uniqueness. Being different is not necessarily bad. Use it to your advantage.

And now, you made it. You completed part 1 of 3 in my story.

I hope you enjoyed the read. Part 2 will be out tomorrow, and it’s about my routine for 6 years of my life. And how that changed by throwing myself out of my comfort zone.

And how I got rid of that damn gaming addiction to help you do the same.

See you tomorrow.

-Ash